Protect your, YES!
One of the hardest words for many of us to say is also one of the smallest:
No.
It is only two letters, yet somehow it can feel like an incredibly complicated word. We worry about disappointing people. We worry about being perceived as selfish, difficult, unhelpful, or uncaring. We say yes because we can help. We say yes because someone needs us. We say yes because we don't want to miss out.
And sometimes we say yes simply because saying no feels uncomfortable. For those of you who know me, you know how much I enjoy my Peloton workouts. One of my favorite instructors, Robin Arzón said something during a class one day that had me stop, and almost start crying... because I was saying YES to everything, everyone and every time. Without discrimination.
“You have to learn to say no to protect your yeses.”
I love this idea because it changes the way we think about saying no.
Saying “no” isn't doesn't have to be selfish or a rejection.
But what if it's actually a boundary that protects what matters most to us?
Every time we say yes to something, we are giving it a piece of something we can never get back:
Our time. Our energy. Our attention. Our presence.
If we say yes to everything, eventually there isn't much left for the people, experiences, and commitments that truly matter to us. Our yeses become diluted along with our sanity.
We may technically be present, but we're exhausted. We may be spending time with our family, but our minds are somewhere else. We may agree to help someone, but we're resentful while doing it.
That's not really the kind of yes we want to give, is it?
What are your “yeses”?
This is where I think it gets interesting.
What are the things in your life that deserve your best self?
Maybe it's your family.
Maybe it's your marriage.
Maybe it's your health.
Maybe it's your friendships.
Maybe it's your career or your calling.
Maybe it's having time to exercise, read, travel, create, worship, or simply sit quietly with a cup of coffee.
Maybe it's being fully present for your children while they're still young.
Whatever those things are, they are worth protecting. Which sometimes means saying no to something else.
“No” creates space for “yes”
Learning to say no doesn't mean becoming less generous or less caring.
In fact, it may allow us to become more generous with
the things that truly matter. When we say no to something that doesn't align with our core values, we create space to say yes wholeheartedly to something that does.
And maybe this connects to integrity
I've been thinking a lot lately about integrity—the alignment between our core values and the way we live. Saying yes to everything can sometimes pull us away from our own core values. We may say yes because someone else's priorities, expectations, or needs are louder than our own. But when we know what we value, we can begin making decisions through that lens. By considering this, we avoid compromising our integrity to make someone else more comfortable or happy.
Protect your yeses
So perhaps the goal isn't to become better at saying no.
Perhaps the goal is to become better at knowing what deserves our yes. When we know that, the no becomes a little easier. We can say no without guilt because we understand what we're
protecting.
Our time.
Our energy.
Our relationships.
Our health.
Our purpose.
Our peace.
Our yeses.
Because at the end of the day, we don't have an unlimited number of them.
So choose them carefully. Give them generously. And protect them fiercely.
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